The worst that could happen.

Today I'm writing a blog entry I really wish I didn't have to write. Partly because I wish it hadn't happened, and partly because I don't quite know how to talk about it.

On the red-button's local news on Sunday it was mentioned that a woman's body had been found in the area where I work. The story caught my eye for that reason, and also what little detail was given about the victim. And today, on the bus to work, I found the story in full in the Metro, and my gut feelings and fears were confirmed. This was someone I knew. Not someone I knew particularly well, but someone I knew.

I still don't quite know what to say about it. The lady in question was in my evening classes at uni. I hadn't actually even known her name. But we had had a good number of conversations, mainly about the subject matter of our classes, the quality of teaching, anticipation of exams, and other such mundane matters. We shared the bus journey back from the exam hall discussing the paper and how badly we reckoned we'd done. How do you react when you learn that someone not only is dead, but was murdered?

This morning I emailed the department at college, and also one of my other fellow students, who was the class rep and really the only person that I was really in contact with outside of classes. She called me at lunchtime, and it was a relief to speak to someone else who'd known her, even if only slightly. And what can you actually say? You can exchange what information you have (which in itself only reinforces the horror of the situation). You can talk about how it makes you feel (you don't quite know how it makes you feel). You can talk about the rest of real life (which makes you feel guilty for changing the subject).

So now I don't know what I should be doing. Should I contact the police? (just to say "I knew her but hardly at all so I can't help you with anything") Should I contact her family? (just to say "I knew her and I'm sorry"?) Should I do what most people seem to do and take flowers to the place where it happened?

Just now I need to get some fresh air.